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Therapy was very tough this evening. It mostly centred around our personal safety, because of being contacted again by cult people, through the phone and emails. They just will not stop and we’re all on high alert. Eileen wants us to talk to Dr B on thursday about it, because that meeting between herself and dr b and dr l is coming up soon. She said its important that the psych services know all thats going on for us, because maybe the social work department can do something sooner than that meeting is going to be. We talked about whether I could have someone come and stay with us, but that isnt really an option for now. For one thing I dont have a spare bed. We also talked about us going to our moms but I cant do that on a continuous basis. Its a tough one. A lot of us had time in therapy tonight. At least five of us did. Cora who is a reporter insider, came out and was quite upset. She said to eileen “if my life has to revolve around the cult forever, and reporting back to them, then I dont want to live”. That really shocked me to hear her say that. Eileen said that recovery cant begin until we’re completely free from danger. I happen to agree. Right now the focus of our work is really all about our personal safety. She also talked to marlene, who was very angry to begin with. She felt threatened by what eileen was saying, that if anything happens to us, it will happen to the whole system stuff like that. Marlene calmed down eventually and they talked. Eileen said that now that we arent in Dublin any more that maybe Marlene could get a new job, that maybe life can change. That we deserve more than being abused, thats not what our life has to be. We also talked a lot about survivors guilt. We feel very guilty for having survived, and so a lot of internal abuse is perpetuated because of the guilt. Its easier, I said, to suffer than to allow ourselfs to have survived unharmed. Taylor also came out and was having hallucinations so eileen and her played a game to help her to calm down and that worked a treat. Oh and Emily was also out and feeling very suicidal and crying uncontrolably. It was a busy but productive session with all that was going on.
Carol anne