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Everyones so nervous today. We’re literally jumping at every sound. We had a rough nights sleep last night. Since the latest batch of contacts, we keep thinking well some of us do, that people will come to our home and hurt us. We’ve made a plan in therapy, and we’re hoping that should anything happen that we’ll be able to implement that plan. Hopefully that meeting between dr L and dr B and our therapist E wont be too much longer and something can be done for us. Its hard to live in fear every day. Our therapist put it the right way when she said that we are unable to go into recovery until we’re free from the terror of the cult. Free from their grip. I have to wonder if we’ll ever be free. It terrifies me. It terrifies all of us actually. Us adults in our system try to reassure the littles that we’re ok. But how can we reassure them when we dont feel ok ourselves? As our therapist said, the younger insiders take their lead from the older ones, so if they see we’re not ok, then they wont be ok either. Its very hard to be ok though when there is constant unease floating around. E has said we can call should we need to, and we plan on talking to dr B about stuff on Thursday. Hopefully together we all can fix this and go on to live a normal life free from fear.

Carol anne

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