So I said I had something to talk about which has unnerved me. And I do. Its this. I’d appreciate any and all feedback on this matter.
Yesterday morning, I logged on to facebook. I checked my friend requests, as I normally do. I had two. So quickly I went in to them and was looking at who they were. My stomach did a flip and my head whirled as I read the name. Our previous therapist, of four and a half years, had requested to be my friend. Immediately I panicked. Not only had I seen this, but a lot of the littles, and older system members had also seen it. Everyone was in panick mode, and our ptsd symptoms started to kick in full force.
I dont know why she’s trying to friend me. Why? Why after 3 years of no contact, would she do this? Why, when she knows how hurt we were at the end of our relationship and when she knows how much our littles loved her would she want to hurt us now? Why doesnt she have a boundary to say that she wont do this?
The trouble with her was she didnt have any boundaries. She never enforced one single boundary with us ever. I know boundaries are not important to some people, but at least your therapist should have a few, at least then you know where you stand!
Anyway, I didnt accept it. I’m not going to. Am I wrong?
I rang our therapist. She couldnt talk just then, but she and I texted back and forth a little bit. But I didnt tell her over a text. I just said I could wait until tomorrow to tell her, but I had something important to tell her then. This needs to be dealt with. The fall out from this could have a lot of ramifications for our stability as a lot of our system were so attached to this previous therapist.
Carol anne
Multi-Me 
I don’t think it was wrong to ignore her friend request at all. That would mess with us too. You’re right, it’s definitely a boundary issue (or, rather, a lack of boundaries issue). It sounds like you made a wise decision to keep all of you safe.
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Wow. That would upset me too. Do you miss her? I’m happy for you that you have a therapist now, that does have good boundaries, and you feel safe with her. I have a “friend” on FB that over two years ago said she couldn’t be in my life, if I didn’t leave my therapist. I am still “friends” with her on FB though. Weird. This person did not have good boundaries at all. She used to call my therapist and tell her she didn’t know what she was doing. She thought she knew me better, or what to do better. I don’t even know anymore. I trusted her, then she left. She was sort of like a mom to me. So, it sucked. Good luck processing your therapists lack of boundaries. I am sorry someone you trusted is upsetting you. Take care. 🙂
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Wow…she’d call your therapist? I would not like if anyone did that. And telling you that your t didnt know what she was doing? Thats just wrong. I’m gonna tell our therapist about it tonight and hopefully then we can process it together.
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well, from what you have said about her lack of boundaries, and how you had to break off any relationship with her at all to protect yourselves, and to heal, i wouldn’t accept this friend request ever. ever. not ever.
some people, especially those with no boundaries of their own, and also sometimes who don’t see that they are toxic to others…they just don’t get it why you have closed them out. they think if they run into you again sometime, you will just be all happy and thrilled to see them.
my mom is one of these people. she just can’t get why i can’t have even a little of her in my life, why because she has no boundaries, i can’t be safe with any of her in my life at all. she thinks i am just holding grudges and being selfish. but i have tried many times. she never changes tho, so it never works. i think this is a similar thing to what you have described about this therapist, and i don’t think it will ever work with her either, for the same reasons. so just discard that friend invite right now.
whatever you choose to do, be careful and keep your own boundaries sturdy…don’t give in or feel that you must be the one to let down your guard. good luck with this.
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Thanks Kat. We initially ended therapy with her because she refused to talk about one insiders abuse memories, she would change the subject onto something else when she tried to discuss her stuff. We didnt think that was fair or right, so we ended it. It was then and only then that we noticed her complete lack of boundaries, we couldnt see it while we were in treatment with her. I’m sorry your mom is the same way. XX
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We agree with the others who have responded. First of all, a therapist, former or otherwise, isn’t a friend; she’s a therapist. And poor boundaries are a humongous red flag for us.
We applaud you for taking care of yourselves.
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Thanks guys. It is hard, it is very hard. So many of us had huge attachment to her, it just brings it all up again, opens old wounds too. XXX
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Hi, I agree with your decision. You weren’t wrong. Anyone in a position of trust must think carefully about who they riend on FB.
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Wow. Why would she do that? That is most odd. Kudos to you for being able to recognise it as the danger it is and not get sucked in. xx
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I have no idea. It is odd. I dont want to get sucked in. But OMG it is so difficult not to accept it. XX
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