Tags
Abuse, Child abuse, Did, Dissociation, Dissociative identity disorder, Mental health, Mental illness, MPD, Multiple personality disorder, Trauma
Dos and Donts for Singleton Friends of Multiples
For anyone wanting to offer friendship and support to a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder, a group of multiples have suggested the following helpful guidelines:
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Dos and Donts for Singleton Friends of Multiples
Do NOT ever touch us from behind.
Do NOT ever touch our throat.
Do NOT ever touch the back of our head.
DO speak to our inner children like children.
Do NOT ask Whos here now? If we wanted you to know we would tell you.
Do NOT tell an alter that you dont know to go get the hostthere could be several of the same namedifferent age groups.
Do NOT expect consistency of feeling, thought, or action on any subject.
Do NOT tell anyone to go inside because you do not like their views.
DO set healthy boundaries.
If you are uncomfortable with something said or done, say so, and do NOT avoid us in the future without an explanation.
Be HONEST.
Be understanding that we have many crisis situations in our lives of healing from our abuse, i.e.: flashbacks, panic attacks, body memories.
Laugh, make jokes with us, really, its OK!
Do NOT assume anything if you honestly want to know about our disorder please ask, well tell you the truth.
Do NOT treat us like the freak you happen to know around your singleton friends.
Do NOT use our difficulties as a subject of conversation with your singleton friends.
Sometimes we are paralyzed with depression, and cannot call you, clean our house, or get out of bed. Dont take it personally.
We will fight being hospitalized.. even though we actually show that we need it at the time. Hospitals are extremely frightening for us.
DO be supportive of our healthy behaviors no matter how small the accomplishment may seem to you.
DO be encouraging.
When we ask to talk to you, we arent asking you to come up with answers to our problems. We dont expect you to FIX it. Sometimes we just need someone to LISTEN that is the greatest gift of all!!
DONT tell us that the abuse happened a long time ago and for us to just get over it! That is a HUGE insult!!
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For those of you that are multiple, what other suggestions would you add to this list?
Do you agree or disagree with the suggestions as listed?
What have you needed your husband or wife to do or not do specific to your needs as a trauma survivor?
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Your thoughts, comments, and suggestions are welcome.
what a great list, and a great idea! wish we could get it spread around to more ‘singletons’ 🙂
hmmm, some of these may not be only specific to DID, but to other trauma/abuse as well that results in PTSD or other anxiety stuff.
+ please do not tell us ‘how strong we are’ or ‘how much worse we had it’. i mean, maybe it seems that way, but hearing it seems like a lie, or like flattery, and it can’t be trusted.
+going with the above, please treat us like our issues/problems are similar to yours, like for instance we share, you listen, then you tell us your problems or talk about yours, and we share and laugh and connect.
+please don’t assume we can’t enjoy or don’t want to enjoy doing ‘normal’ things like you might. probably, we want to, but are in a place right then that we can’t or that it’s not safe.
for instance, going out eating, coffee, shopping, clubbing….i have found that my best friends were ones who treated me and my stuff with respect, but then wanted to go out and have fun with me doing things unrelated to trauma stuff.
+ and this is a hard one….because like manyofus said above in her list, don’t push us to go to the hospital, but do be aware when we are struggling, or in real trouble and really need help. maybe we need someone to have sleepover, or hangout all night, or someone to come to the doc with us to help us really tell what’s going on. sometimes, we might really not want that, but it might keep us from getting worse or going to the hospital.
+espcially for those with DID, please be aware we often have boundary issues, as in, we don’t have many. we trust too easily and then get hurt/betrayed. when we trust you, if its too much, you may have to back off to protect our relationship, so we don’t weigh on you more than you can take, and so we stay in the appropriate areas.
if we are really good friends, etc. please be aware that when we ‘over’trust, it means we really trust you with our deepest parts. you can tell us if you’re tired, overwhelmed, need a break. we get that! and we don’t want to accidentally push you away.
if you don’t think any of these are good, manyofus, please feel free to delete/edit any or all. 🙂 hope i helped and didn’t hurt.
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Wow Kat, amazing. You didnt do anything wrong at all. I was looking for ideas and you had great ones. I’ll add these to the list! XX
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In order to give everyone the ability to express their personal views on touch, could it simply say ask about preferences toward touch or something? Yes, some of these seem generally related to trauma.
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Yes, good point, I’ll change the wording of it then! Hugs! Xo
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