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Dos and Donts for Singleton Friends of Multiples

For anyone wanting to offer friendship and support to a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder, a group of multiples have suggested the following helpful guidelines:

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Dos and Donts for Singleton Friends of Multiples

Do NOT ever touch us from behind.

Do NOT ever touch our throat.

Do NOT ever touch the back of our head.

DO speak to our inner children like children.

Do NOT ask Whos here now? If we wanted you to know we would tell you.

Do NOT tell an alter that you dont know to go get the hostthere could be several of the same namedifferent age groups.

Do NOT expect consistency of feeling, thought, or action on any subject.

Do NOT tell anyone to go inside because you do not like their views.

DO set healthy boundaries.

If you are uncomfortable with something said or done, say so, and do NOT avoid us in the future without an explanation.

Be HONEST.

Be understanding that we have many crisis situations in our lives of healing from our abuse, i.e.: flashbacks, panic attacks, body memories.

Laugh, make jokes with us, really, its OK!

Do NOT assume anything if you honestly want to know about our disorder please ask, well tell you the truth.

Do NOT treat us like the freak you happen to know around your singleton friends.

Do NOT use our difficulties as a subject of conversation with your singleton friends.

Sometimes we are paralyzed with depression, and cannot call you, clean our house, or get out of bed. Dont take it personally.

We will fight being hospitalized.. even though we actually show that we need it at the time. Hospitals are extremely frightening for us.

DO be supportive of our healthy behaviors no matter how small the accomplishment may seem to you.

DO be encouraging.

When we ask to talk to you, we arent asking you to come up with answers to our problems. We dont expect you to FIX it. Sometimes we just need someone to LISTEN that is the greatest gift of all!!

DONT tell us that the abuse happened a long time ago and for us to just get over it! That is a HUGE insult!!

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For those of you that are multiple, what other suggestions would you add to this list?

Do you agree or disagree with the suggestions as listed?

What have you needed your husband or wife to do or not do specific to your needs as a trauma survivor?

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Your thoughts, comments, and suggestions are welcome.

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