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I feel very alone this morning. Like I’m on my own with everything. And I dont want to be. I know I should probably reach out. I cant. I cant call our therapist because I dont want to bother her. I dont want to invade her space when I am not there. Anyway, she’s probably seeing other clients. As much as I hate thinking about that, I know its true. I am not her only client. I really wish I we were. But we cant be so there really is no point to hoping and wishing that. Last night was hard. I read my book and stayed up half the night reading that. I decided that I wasnt sleeping so I thought I’d distract by reading. I’m reading daddys little princess by Cathy Glass. I like it. I like all of Cathy glass’s books. I am almost finished it now. When I finally did go to sleep, I woke again with nightmares. Nightmares fucking suck. Really, they suck. I dreamed I was going to be attacked, someone was coming in my house to attack me. Horrible horrible dreams. And this morning I am feeling the after effects of the bad night. My head feels funny. I feel kinda hopeless and just sad. I feel a lot of tension inside too. Not sure what thats about. My lil sis and mom and dad are coming to pick me up in half an hour. We’re supposed to be going for a drive and for lunch and stuff. I really dont feel up to it but I am going just to get out of the house. Here is hoping things turn out ok and my mood starts to lift and I cheer up soon.
Carol anne