PTSD is a really debilitating condition to live with. It takes away all of your happiness. It turns your dreams into nightmares. It leaves you full of despair and hopelessness, it makes you constantly feel down even when you try to be happy. It bites you at every turn, just when you think its going to disappear for a few hours or a day, it returns. PTSD is when the fear of flashbacks that are oh so real washes over you. Its when your sitting alone with only your emotions for company and they are overwhelmingly hard to deal with. Today has been hard. I tried, boy did I try to be ok. Tonight my two aunts came to mom and dads and I sat in the kitchen with them chatting and having a glass of wine. You’d never think anything was wrong with me but inside I felt like crumbling. I felt anything but happy and I didnt really want to socialise but I made myself act happy and ok. Now they’ve gone home and its almost bedtime and I am scared. I dont want to go to bed and have nightmares. I dont want to wake up gasping for breath. I dont want this PTSD. I hate it.