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Lately I’m feeling tremendous pressure to be and act and feel ok. Its not pressure from friends, but rather my family. My family simply do not like the fact that I have a mental illness, they would rather I was happy and ok all of the time. This is very difficult to maintain and puts a lot of undue stress on me. They also do not really acknowledge our did and that too puts pressure on us in a big way. We want to make our parents happy, but we also cant help how we are doing at any given time. It would be nice if we got a little support or an “are you ok, or “how are you doing today?” every once in a while. They think its as simple as having something to do to keep busy and if we do have things to do then we wont have time to have symptoms. I suppose this could be true somewhat but its not completely true as we do have symptoms every single day. We always have anxiety and sometimes psychosis and some days we’re very depressed and on other days the ptsd symptoms hit us with a bang. So its always there and we cant just simply get away from being mentally ill. Thats not even taking our did into account. However because our parents and sister and aunts and other family members rarely talk or interact with insiders, we feel like we have to be very aware when around them of who is coming out in order to protect the littles or vulnerable insiders who get upset or sad when they are treated with disrespect. Today I’m just feeling the pressure more than I have done recently. At least one good thing is I am in my own house and here at home we can be who we need to be because we’re alone and we are in our own space and have all of our own things around us.
Carol anne