Thursdays session was really very all over the place. Mainly we discussed depression, and suicide, and us coming off of our medication.
Eileen put it to us like this.
“Your giving yourself ways to die”. “you could die while in a seizure, or you could go into a hypoglycaemia attack because of your diabetes, or, there are the stock piled meds, which someone could overdose on, if neither of the other ways hhappened or were to work”.
I sat there stunned into silence. Because I knew it was true. We’ve been mulling over ways to die for the best part of two weeks now, since the voices we were hearing told us to hurt ourselves, and to stop taking our meds.
Hell thats why we’re in here in the hospital now. To prevent death, and stabilise our mood, and go back on our meds.
Eileen also said she thinks some parts do not want to die, that they just want to stop feeling the feelings they’ve been having to feel. I think this is also a very observant statement to make. We had a good cry during therapy on Thursday. We badly needed to and Eileen gave us a much needed hug.
When I texted her last night to tell her we were finally on the ward in a bed, she said how it must be a relief to feel safe. I said yes, it is. Then she asked me if I wanted to check in on Monday at 8 PM. So that is what we’ll be doing. I feel I owe Eileen so much. She’s been absolutely great during all of this chaos.