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I’ve just had a really bad dissociative episode. All I remember was coming out of the bathroom and going over to my bed. I think I had been on the phone before I went to the bathroom, but its like a dream. I cant actually remember whether I was actually on the phone to my friend or not. I’m gonna have to verify that with her tomorrow. So anyway, the only thing I remember was sitting on my bed, hugging my stuffed bunny. I know earlier this evening an unwanted call came to our cel phone from a past abuser. I think that may have triggered the episode. Anyway, after I’d sat on my bed, I must have lost a lot of time. The next thing I remember is C the night nurse coming over and asking me to open my hand so that she could give me my night time meds. I did as she instructed but I was in such a daze. There was chaos inside, lots of crying and screaming from the kids, and a few of the darks were threatening to self harm. I told C that we were having self harm thoughts. She asked about our reasons and I first said I didnt know. Then I told her about the call which came to our cel phone. She doesnt really know our situation so she wasnt much help, all she said was dont answer unknown calls and then they cant terrorise you. I guess the fact that they rang at all isnt supposed to terrorise us. I really need to speak to doctor Barry tomorrow so I hope she comes down to the ward after her outpatient clinic. Some Mondays she does, others she doesnt. It all depends on how busy her clinic is tomorrow. I’m really shaken up after the episode though. I feel all wobbly and spacy and just generally upset.
Carol anne