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We saw Dr Barry today. I thought the whole team would be in there, but there was only us, Dr Barry, Dr Barrys junior doctor, and K the social worker, and a nurse therapist. So not as many as could have been. We discussed what led to my coming in. We talked about the suicidal idiation, and the self harm urges, and the depression. We talked about us being off our meds. She said that now that we’re completely off diazepam, she’s not going to put us back on it again. I’m glad as I didnt want to take it, it wasnt effective. We talked about the people from our past “past abusers” who keep recontacting us. K the social worker is looking into our options to get CCTV installed, and a personal alarm. I told her we didnt have any money to pay for them, so she’s going to look into funding options, to see if there are any. Dr Barry asked us again to think about reporting the harassment to the police. I should probably mention here that it was Liz, one of our stronger darker insiders who was out for most of the conversation. Liz said she felt ok about reporting it, but that there was a lot of fear from the rest of the system. K Dr Barrys social worker said we could think about it and talk about it again tomorrow. We asked Dr barry for her opinion and she was all like well, you know what I think, I think you should do it. To be honest I’m not sure what the police will be able to do, but I do know when we were raped a few months back they did want to pursue it and take the matter further. What I’d be worried about is the fact that we have no physical evidence, no descriptions of suspects, and only one name, and thats only a first name. Dr Barry said its their job and I should only worry about reporting it to them, after that I should leave the rest of it up to them. I’m so so worried about the consequences of reporting any contact to them. I think Liz is very brave to want to go ahead with it. Of course I’ll stand by her in what she wants to do. She said she feels strong, and that her and some of the other insiders have been working really hard over the past few months to make progress. And they have. Even today, Dr Barry remarked on just how far Liz has come. Liz also apologised today to dr Scribbin, who is Dr Barrys junior doctor. A few months ago they had a terrible run in. Dr Scribbin was lovely, she accepted Liz’s apology and she said she understands that Liz doesnt trust people too easily, that it takes her a while to warm up to people. I thought that was lovely of her to say. I also talked to Dr Barry about the incident at the weekend with the consultant and how he treated us. She didnt say too much about it, I guessed she couldnt. She did say that maybe he was just trying to get a feel for what had brought us in, and he doesnt know our story, and how we’ve had problems in the past with people not accepting our diagnosis, how its controversial and I shouldnt worry because those who are working with me do accept it. So all in all it was a good appointment. I wont see her again now until Friday, but the junior doctor said she’d come and see us tomorrow.
Carol anne