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I feel depressed. Its always in the middle of the night that things become hard. When everyone is sleeping and it feels as if I am the only one up. I know I’m probably not, but it sure starts to feel like it when its dark outside, and there is no sound. I’ve been trying to take comfort from Nitro, dogs are great for comforting you when your sad. The sadness is weighing heavily throughout my body tonight. I can feel my chest tighten, and my eyes stinging with uncried tears. I feel very down but I cant put my finger on exactly why I feel the way I do. I know for the past week or so the memories and flashbacks have been very intense. Its not a nice feeling at all. It leaves me quite upset, and apprehensive, and the flashbacks leave my body trembling and leave me gasping for breath. I tried talking to Dr Barry about them today. She did get it somewhat. She asked me if they were linked to the anxiety of getting out of the hospital and being back in our own home again. But I cant say they were. I am really not sure why this wave of flashbacks have hit us now, other than fall is coming. Fall is always a difficult time of year for us due to us being a cult survivor. All I want is for the depression to lift, I’m sure it will by morning. If the night would hurry up and go by quickly.
Carol anne