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WELL YES HERE I AM AND I AM RANING SO BEWARE.

I’M SERIOUSLY SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF MOST PEOPLE. MOST PEOPLE GET ON MY NERVES SO MUCH. I SERIOUSLY WANT TO JUST FUCKING SHAKE THEM AND SAY “QUIT WHINING”. “BE GLAD YOU DONT HAVE PTSD BECAUSE THAT HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF THE MOST FUCKING AWFUL CONDITIONS A PERSON HAS TO LIVE WITH”.
MOST PEOPLE IN MY DAY TO DAY LIFE DO NOT REALISE THE SHERE HORROR OF WHAT ITS LIKE TO LIVE WITH PTSD SYMPTOMS. ITS FUCKING DEBILITATING DONT YOU GET IT? THEY DONT. THEY REALLY FUCKING DONT GET IT.
LAST NIGHT I WAS GOING TO GO SEE A DOCTOR IN OUR EMERGENCY OUT OF HOURS ON CALL DOCTORS SERVICE. I WAS GOING TO GET SOME ANTIANXIETY MEDS FOR THE WEEKEND UNTIL WE SEE DR BARRY ON MONDAY. BUT I DIDNT BOTHER. DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THOSE DOCTORS ARE GP’S. THEY ARE GP’S AND THEY ARE FUCKING USELESS WHEN IT COMES TO MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. I DIDNT NEED THE HOSPITAL, BUT I KNOW IF I’D HAVE GONE TO A DOCTOR LAST NIGHT HE’D PROBABLY HAVE GIVEN ME A LETTER AND SENT ME DOWN TO THE PSYCH UNIT TO BE ASSESSED. I DIDNT NEED THAT. ALL I WANTED WAS A FEW TABLETS UNTIL MONDAY, UNTIL WE COULD SEE OUR PSYCHIATRIST.
SO LAST NIGHT, WHEN OUR INTERNET WENT OUT, WHEN WE WERE PRETTY FUCKING UNSTABLE BECAUSE OF TRAUMA FLASHBACKS, AND WHEN KIDS INSIDE WERE CRYING, SCREAMING, HALLUCINATING, AND NEEDED SOMEONE TO TELL THEM IT WOULD BE OK, WE WENT TO BED. INSTEAD OF CALLING SOMEONE, WE WENT TO BED AND SLEPT IT OFF. I’M ACTUALLY SURPRISED WE GOT ANY SLEEP, BUT WE ACTUALLY DID, FROM 5 30 LAST EVENING, UNTIL 3 30 THIS MORNING, WE SLEPT. WEIRD HOW THAT CAN HAPPEN ISNT IT? ONE DAY WE ARE UNABLE TO SLEEP FOR 48 HOURS, AND THEN WE CAN SLEEP FROM SHERE EXHAUSTION FOR HALF OF THE DAY.
THINGS ARE BETTER THIS MORNING. THANK GOODNESS AND THANKFULLY WE GOT THROUGH WITHOUT THE MEDS. BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING, AND TO BE DEALING WITH PEOPLE WHO GOT IT, WHO WOULDNT JUST SEND US ELSEWHERE BECAUSE OF OUR CONDITION, BECAUSE OUR DIAGNOSIS IS TOO COMPLEX FOR THEM TO DEAL WITH.
SUFFICE TO SAY I’M PISSY THIS MORNING. I THINK I’LL TEXT OUR THERAPIST. SHE’LL KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO ME TO MAKE ME FEEL LESS ANGRY.
LIZ

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