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I FUCKING HURT. I HURT PHYSICALLY. I HURT EMOTIONALLY. I HURT MENTALLY. I JUST FUCKING HURT.

I DONT CARE IF PEOPLE THINK IM A PUSSY WEAK ASS GIRL FOR SAYING SO. IM A DARK. IM NOT SUPPOSED TO LET MY GUARD DOWN. BUT HELL THINGS ARE SUCKY. THIS FUCKING MONTH SUCKS. I HAD TO DO REALLY FUCKING AWFUL SHIT FOR A LOT OF YEARS, AND, YOU JUST DONT GET OVER THAT SHIT. YOU CANT KNOW UNLESS YOU’VE LIVED IT. UNLESS YOU’VE HAD TO GO THROUGH TORTURE IN THE NAME OF SATAN.

I DIDNT WANT TO PARTICIPATE IN FUCKING RITUALS. BUT I DIDNT GET A CHOICE. NO. NO CHOICE IS GIVEN TO YOU WHEN YOUR IN A CULT. ITS DO OR DIE. IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE YOU DO WHAT YOUR TOLD.

THE MEMORIES ARE TORTURE. THE PAIN IS SEVERE. THE TURMOIL IS FELT RIGHT THROUGH THE SYSTEM. IF YOU GENUINELY DONT KNOW WHAT RITUALISTIC ABUSE IS, I ENVY YOU. CUZ I FUCKING WISH I DIDNT. I WISH I WAS SOMETHING OTHER THAN A DARK, BECAUSE MOSTLY DARKS GET A BAD RAP AND A BAD NAME. BUT WE’RE JUST LIKE ANY OTHER INSIDERS IN THE SYSTEM, WITH THE EXCEPTION THAT WE’VE GONE THROUGH MORE, TOOK MORE FOR THE SYSTEM, HELD MORE OF WHAT THE OTHERS COULDNT FACE.
SO YEAH. LIFE IS A FUCKING BITCH. TODAY, I HATE IT. TODAY, I HATE THE WORLD.

THINK I’LL CALL OUR THERAPIST LATER TODAY. SHE’S ALWAYS GOT MY BACK. I CAN TALK TO HER ABOUT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. IT FEELS GOOD TO KNOW SOMEONE IS THERE FOR ME. MY PSYCHIATRIST ISNT HALF BAD EITHER. A LITTLE MORE DISTANT YES, I HAVE MORE OF A RELATIONSHIP BUILT UP WITH OUR THERAPIST, BUT I DO ALSO TALK TO DR BARRY SOMETIMES. SHE IS OK AS DOCTORS GO. AT LEAST SHE WANTS TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND US AND WHERE WE’VE BEEN WHICH I THINK IS GOOD. WELL I HAD BETTER RAP THIS UP. THANKS FOR READING IF YOU GOT THIS FAR.
LIZ

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