Tags
Abuse, Alters, Did, Dissociation, Doctor, Flashbacks, Mental illness, Psychiatrist, PTSD, Ritual abuse, Trauma
Just got home from our apt to see dr barry. It was a really good appointment, but it was very intense. Lots of stuff surrounding abuse, flashbacks, body memories, and past trauma came up today. I mentioned to her about the student doctors being in the room and not talking to me, and how I’d like them to introduce themselves. She said that was totally reasonable, and she could see how because I cant see that a voice and a hello makes all the difference. She said that because we’re usually so obliging, that she doesnt ever think to ask us any more if we actually want the students in our sessions. But she told me today that any week that I didnt feel like having a student in the room, to just say it to her and she’d ask them to sit out. I was glad about that. I told her I’d been having a lot of body memories lately. We talked a little about them and I told her how during last weeks therapy session I found it really hard to get the words out, to articulate what Iactually wanted to say in regards to the memories. We discussed it and I told her about my aunt and what she’d said to me last week, about things being all in my head, and dr Barry said that I was probably doubting myself because of what she’d said, so then in turn, that led to my not being able to articulate it to Eileen, for fear she wouldnt believe me. It made sense. I told dr Barry that the abuse was so bad that sometimes I figured people were thinking that stuff like what I describe actually couldnt happen. We talked about these next few months being extremely hard and how there are some anniversary dates coming up, including the date that my abuse came to light and including my friends baby being born and killed by the cult. She went very quiet when I told her about my friends baby and what happened to her. I was crying a lot and she got me a glass of water. She kept saying that I would be ok, how strong I was and how I have endured so much and am very brave. I can tell you now I didnt feel one bit brave! What I felt was distressed, weak, sad, guilty, and so many other emotions. Next week I have to see the junior doctor because dr Barry is on holidays. Thats ok though. I feel ready to see her. I probably wont say much to her, but its just going to be a check in visit to make sure we’re ok and safe and stuff.
Carol anne
silentlistener2510 said:
I’m sorry they killed your friend’s baby nd for all they forced you to endure. I am glad your appointment went well and I think I’d be real nervous about student doctors too. I am gald your needs are being taken into consideration and met. It means a lot. Thinking of you and everyone, Sl
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manyofus1980 said:
Thanks SL. I’m glad that our needs are being taken care of too. Dr Barry really does try and I appreciate that she is willing to do that for us. XX
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kat said:
i am so sorry for what you have had to go thru and endure. you are strong, and resilient, and brave. hugs!
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manyofus1980 said:
Thank you Kat. some days its hard to feel any of those things you said I am. But I do try. XX
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DotedOn said:
🙂 hugs to you my friend.
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manyofus1980 said:
Thanks for those wonderful hugs I needed one today xx
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DotedOn said:
Then you get some more for later or when you need them 🙂
HUGS!!
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manyofus1980 said:
awwwww thank you! XX
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DotedOn said:
🙂
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poet4peace said:
Oh how I hate body memories and abuse anniversaries. Iâll be thinking of you and maybe we can skipe sometime.
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manyofus1980 said:
Yes I’d like that. And thank you hon for thinking of us. That means a lot. XX
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