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It was dark. The night was cold. The rain fell. But that didnt stop them. The cult never stopped, not even in a storm. They drove some of us to their hide away. It was us, our best friend P, and a few more kids. We were the chosen ones. The ones who were “special”. I hated that, being special. I didnt want to be special. But I didnt get a choice. You never had a choice when the cult were involved. I sat in the van shaking. Knowing what would come once we were there would be brutal, incomprehendable, frightening, and so much more. I dared not talk to P. Sometimes we’d try to talk to the driver driving the van. It worked for us sometimes. It distracted him from what he was doing. But all too soon he’d shut us up again, make us go back to being a nothing, a nobody. When we arrived at the grounds where the cult were, we were dragged out. The door was opened and we were shoved into the big dark room. Everyone was talking, all the adults were chanting. I didnt understand what they were saying. Then the brutal abuse began. Rape, torture,sex…we werent ever allowed to say no. We had to participate in it or else. No one ever tried to fight them. There was no point. It all seemed to go on for hours. I’m not completely sure how long the torture went on, but eventually it stopped. They’d drive us home then as if nothing happened. We’d have to get up for school the next day, as if we’d slept soundly the night before. This was our life. A life no child should ever have had to endure. Tonight I am thinking about all this. My heart pounds, my head aches. My eyes burn with salty tears. I try to put on the radio to drown out the sound of internal screams. It is agony. I dont want to remember any more. Please. Make it stop. I’ll do anything for it to stop.

Carol anne