This month is full of triggers. As most of my readers know, I am a ritual abuse survivor. We were in a cult from age 8 until we were 16. During that time much abuse took place, we witnessed many horrific things. This has effected us in many ways over the years. September to December is laiden with trigger dates, abuse anniversaries, and the remembering of traumatic things.
Last week in therapy we had a particularly horrible thing to discuss. In September there is a ritual date, on September 7th. One of our young insiders told her story or some of her story in therapy last week. She was petrified but Eileen helped her by allowing her to freely talk. After she’d opened up a little bit Eileen enlisted my support and help, in order to better help her and so she’d have someone inside with whom she could connect with.
It was devastating to listen to her story. I became very overwhelmed by it. I knew parts of it, but to actually hear the horrific details of that night, of the events that occurred, it was devastating and so upsetting. It was all I could do to make myself hear it, and then to go to her and hug her and soothe her alongside Eileen. She was so very scared. She was shaking and crying as she told of her abuse. It was awful for her and for us all to hear it and know it happened to her and to our body.
I am glad however that this little girl of 7 got to talk about these awful events in therapy, in time perhaps they’ll fade a little bit for her, perhaps with the right help, with a safe person to witness her pain and trauma, perhaps she will feel less alone, and more able to cope. Perhaps, just perhaps having Eileen and me to witness her pain is a blessing to her. I hope so anyway.