todays been rough. i feel miserable. i have a bad cold, thats going down into my chest. its making me feel really triggered. if theres one thing i hate, its being sick. its being unable to breathe. it reminds me of awful things. it reminds me of near drownings, of being buried alive. it reminds me of almost dying. i have to keep telling myself that no, i’m not back there now. i’m safe. but do i believe it? sometimes i dont. mom made me a hot drink, a lemsip. at least she’s taking care of me. this colds been coming on for days now. this morning,it hit me hard. this is the start of the winter sicknesses. every year is the same, i get a ton of them. i even got the flu shot thinking i’d escape them. but noooo. well, i’m going to try and soldier on. struggling, but not giving up. reminding myself that the past is the past, and its different now. there are people who care about me now and nobody in my current life wants me dead. its a lot of effort but I must try. I must believe.