tonight i went to my aunts, despite being sick with a heavy head cold that looks like its going down into my chest. our mom went with me, and our other aunt went also. we just watched tv and had a bottle of wine. we watched x factor, and then we watched long lost families. that programme is so sad and always makes me cry. we all had a long discussion about our grandad, who is their dad. he’s pretty sick now. im not sure if you all remember but a few weeks ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer. well he opted not to go for surgery. but…now his kidneys are failing. early in the summer the doctors said they were working at 25 percent…now…its down to between 10 and 12 percent. its not gonna be the cancer that kills him, it will be his failing kidneys. everyones so worried about him. he was offered dialysis but he is stubborn and doesnt want to go. i can understand why he wont go, it would be 3 times a week for the remainder of his life. i know he hates hospitals and he’ll do absolutely anything to avoid going into one. i had to explain to both of my aunts and my mom tonight that the reason the doctors are pushing dialysis so much is because it is their job to keep him alive for as long as they can. i hope nothing happens to him before xmas. i do think that once he does pass the family will be ripped apart at the seams. it was a sad discussion but one that had to happen. the joy in my night was seeing milly, our aunts new puppy, whose being really spoiled and is finding her feet in the house now. she’s such an amazing dog, so gentle, so placid, so good. i really enjoyed cuddling her and getting to play with her. when i arrived home nitro started sniffing me up and down because he could smell her off of me. he was none too pleased that his mommy was patting another dog. all in all though it was a nice evening. and on the plus side, i’m feeling a lot better than i was on friday and yesterday.