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Resilience has a number of important tools.
Resilient people are aware of the situation, their own emotional reactions and the behaviour of those around them. In order to manage feelings, it is essential to understand what is causing them and why. By remaining aware, resilient people can maintain their control of the situation and think of new ways to tackle problems.
AN UNDERSTANDING THAT SETBACKS ARE PART OF LIFE:
Another characteristic of resilience is the understanding that life is full of challenges. While we cannot avoid many of these problems, we can remain open, flexible and willing to adapt to change.
Do you perceive yourself as having control over your own life? Or do you blame outside sources for failure and problems? Generally, resilient people tend to have what psychologists call an internal locus of control. They believe that the action they take will affect the outcome of an event. Of course, some factors are simply outside of our personal control, such as natural disasters. While we may be able to put some blame on external causes, it is important to feel as if we have the power to make choices that will affect our situation, our ability to cope and our future. Responsibility is not blame it is taking ownership.
KEEP YOUR EYE ON THAT BIG PICTURE:
Aim for long-term goals, whilst you tick off and enjoy the short term ones.
STRONG PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS:
When a crisis emerges, will you be able to spot the solution that will lead to a safe outcome. In danger situations, people sometimes develop tunnel vision. They fail to note important details or take advantage of opportunities. Resilient individuals, on the other hand, are able to calmly and rationally look at the problem and envision a successful solution.
HAVING STRONG SOCIAL CONNECTIONS:
Whenever you’re dealing with a problem, it is important to have people who can offer support.
Talking about the challenges you are facing can be an excellent way to gain perspective, look of new solutions or simply express your emotions.
IDENTIFYING AS A SURVIVOR, NOT A VICTIM:
When dealing with any potential crisis, it is essential to view yourself as a survivor. Avoid thinking like a victim of circumstance, and instead look for ways to resolve the problem. While the situation may be unavoidable, or perhaps unappealing you can still stay focused on a positive outcome.
BEING ABLE TO AS FOR HELP:
While being resourceful is an important part of resilience, it is also essential to know when to ask for help. During a crisis, people can benefit from the help of psychologist and counsellors specially trained to deal with crisis situations. What might be other useful supports for you?
Can you roll with change? Be prepared to look critically at you, your attitudes and your choices and plans. Are they working? Maybe you are limited yourself. Maybe it is a great idea, but the timing is wrong. Maybe it’s time to try something else, something new? Or mix some new things in with your existing practice? Be open to change if needed.
I did something really brave today. I got up the courage to talk to our therapist Eileen. I cant believe i actually did it. i hardly ever come out in therapy. I did know our old therapist J. I talked to her maybe five or six times in the whole four and a half years that we saw her. You see, something really traumatic happened to me years ago. It was with our first therapist a we saw a for 9 months. It was before our diagnosis of did. Actually, it was a who got us our initial diagnosis, because she made us an apt to see a psychiatrist so that we could get assessed. Then she also came with us to see the psychiatrist who preliminarily diagnoised us with did. That was in 2001. A was a fabulous therapist. I trusted her completely. I told her things i never told anyone about my past. About growing up with a dysfunctional family, about memories of the bording school in Dublin, about the flashes and glimpses i was getting of other traumatic things, about the bullying, about the internal voices i heard. I really revealed lots to her. And she promised me so much. She promised me she wasn’t leaving, that i was safe, that i could trust her, that it was ok to talk to her freely about my worries and my fears and my traumas. But then after 9 months she delivered the devastating news to me, that she was no longer able to work with me. She said it wasn’t my fault, that it was more about her and not about me. That she’d lost her objectivity around my case. But i couldn’t help believing it was my fault. I honestly thought i’d done something to make her ill, to warrant her ending therapy with us. I remember in our last session, i actually cried, something i’d never done in any of our previous sessions. And she cried too. It devastated me to my core. And that is when i decided that i could never trust again, i was done, i was going to give up. And that is when i decided carol anne could have the job of head fronter in the system. I didn’t want the responsibility any longer. I couldn’t manage life any more. And so i retreated inside, and i’ve pretty much stayed inside for years, only coming out for short periods every now and then. Carol annes pretty much ran the show, she is our main fronter, i can see her, i can hear her. I don’t hear many others of the insiders, i hear a few kids, mainly darina, Erika, lexi, but thats all. Other than that i’m pretty walled off in dissociation. So why am i telling you the readers all this? I guess to give you a background to my talk with Eileen today. It was a good chat and she was really nice to me. She made me feel safe. When i first fell into the body she introduced herself to me. She told me how long she’d been seeing our system and that we’d worked on a lot and then she told me some things we worked on. And then mostly we talked about the therapist a and how that all ended. Eileen said she really could see that it had had a huge impact on me. That i must have went into shock, and that is why i retreated inside. I agreed because i think its true. I told her i felt broken, unmendable, unfixable, that i feel like there is no hope for me. She said not true. There definitely is hope for me and i am definitely fixable. Then she asked me if i want to explore some areas of my life. I said i do. That i’m ready to try again. My system protect me very well. After all its been two years that we’ve been seeing Eileen, and this was my first appearance since the start of our work together. But now i’m ready. I want to form the same safe attachment with her that i know others inside have. I want to have someone i can rely on, someone i can trust with my inner most thoughts and secrets. I think i’ve found that someone and i’m really pleased. It will take time, but i think i can do it. at least i hope i can.
If your easily triggered skip this post. Its just some about my ongoing struggle at this time of the year.
I sware…im in turmoil. I cant handle this night. Nothing bad happened. I went to my aunts as planned. But i left early to go home. I got upset and emotional and overwhelmed and i couldn’t cope.
Im not ok. In fact im suicidal. I hurt. My body hurts. And my head..o god my head it hurts, too. Im just one massive big ball of hurt tonight.
I don’t have a plan right now. But im thinking hard about what i can do. My mind is on overdrive. Im trying distraction techniques. Im talking to my angels. Im trying to think of people who i love and who love me and care about me and don’t want me to die. But damn, its freaking hard. What if i’m a burden on the world. What if the people who say they care about me really don’t?
Is anybody out there? If you are, i could use some friends to talk to. Im reaching out. Im suicidal, low, not coping, emotional, and very stressed out. If your out there, please let me know you hear me. I’ll be forever grateful to you.
And so many other things….why do I have to have depression. Its a horrific and debilitating illness and I hate it. Right now I wish I wasn’t me. I wish I was someone and somewhere else. Depression sucks.
I woke up feeling bla. I hate it. Depression sucks. I don’t want to get dressed. I don’t want to go get my injection or see dr Barry. I don’t really want to do anything, except go back to bed, and hide. Hide from the world. Hide from myself. I will go out, because I have too. But I wish I didn’t have to. Right now I hate life and myself. I hate feeling like this. I just hate everything.
Therapy was hard tonight, we’ve been struggling a lot over the past week with body memroies and sensations related to trauma memories. This next two months are some of the worst months of the year for us. The flashbacks have been really bad lately especially for some of the younger kids inside. One child who is very effected is Lexi. Lexi is six, and she finds emotions really difficult to deal with. Well…we’ve been very emotional these past few days, so in turn, she’s finding that very tough. So tonight therapy we worked with Lexi. Lexi didnt actually come out, instead Eileen had me support her by doing some visualisation exercises, and talking to her inside, whilst reporting to her what was going on. Lexi kept saying that her address was the boarding school in dublin, so Eileen had me visualise our house here in Cork, and then she had me take Lexi by the hand and walk her around the house, touching things, doing things like shaking the wind chimes that are in my hallway, she had me get objects that mean stuff to lexi and show them to her, all in our mind. It worked really well, and I was able to stay present with Eileen whilst I did this. Lexi did try to come out at one point, but Eileen got me back, not because she didnt want to talk to Lexi, but because she wanted me to be able to support Lexi, since physically she’s not always available in between sessions. I agree that this is a good technique and I was able to do it too, which to be honest I didnt think I would be. Eileen said I have talents I never knew I had! She also did an exercise with us where she asked us to breathe in and out deeply, and visualise a colored light, we picked purple, which is her favourite color too, so she got us to visualise th e purple healing light going through our whole body. It was actually very calming. We worked also on breatheing deeply since part of our problem is body memories, where we are in the depths of a body memory, and then we become dizzy, and end up gasping for air. We become so dizzy that we will take in a huge gulp of air, afraid that we may not get any more. Eileen said this is all part of the body memory. She reassured us that the air is freely available in our house, and in her office. Nobody is going to deny us air. So it is ok to breathe it in. Thats the hard part, remembering that when the trauma memories hit. So we’re going to practice over the next couple of months, and I think it will get easier. With Eileen reassuring us that we’re safe, that the air is ours to breathe, I’m sure it will become easier in time. Eileen also gave us something to take home from her office tonight. She gave us a little angel. She said we could feel connected to her and her office when we held it. And we do. Its funny how an object can have such significance isnt it? This is a tiny angel, but the connection we feel to Eileen when we hold it is overwhelming. So all in all a good session tonight, lots achieved and accomplished.